You would lay like a city unmoving when you're sleeping
with only the blood and thoughts and dreams still streaking
like headlights in black and white poster photographs.
And in the morning sometimes when I'd come in you'd laugh
from the floor where you'd rolled to after I'd gone
and couldn't reach your phone to tell me something was wrong.
How many times John have you laughed from the floor
among all us toy soldiers who pretend our life is a war?
We quit jobs because they're hard, and quit love and quit friends
and drink to become children and feel helpless again.
John, I’m sorry I quit.
John, I did give a shit,
I really did.
I really did.
I really did.
Your legs were thin as the bars on a cage.
No one should feel that trapped. It’s impossible to gauge
how strong you must be, in some ways you’re more than whole.
The rest of us, well, we’re just on cruise control.
I heard after I quit, someone locked your wheels
on the porch so you could sit in the sun with your meal,
and you wanted to smoke, so they lit the match,
and they left to make a phone call, and it dropped in your lap,
and they couldn’t hear you when it started to burn.
I’m glad you didn’t die. I guess it wasn’t your turn
John, I’m sorry I quit.
John, I did give a shit,
I really did.
I really did.
I really did.
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